Aching with Pain

Had track practice today. Didn't run for the past six days so I definately felt it. But in spite of that, I was able have an incredible workout. Today we did 12 quarter-miles... and we were supposed to do them around 75 seconds each. Well, my slowest time ended up being 73 seconds, my fastest 64, and my average around 67-68. I was really workin' hard... and it showed afterwards. I've never felt worse after a practice than I did today and do now. I had a terrible headache, I was dizzy, nauseas, my legs throbbed with pain... and now my legs are still aching and are stiff as anything. It was a good workout though...but I really killed myself.

Oh yeah, I got accepted to Norwich University today. Yay. That's 3 out of 3 now... one more to go (Virginia Tech). Who cares though, The Citadel's my school. Hooyah.

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is man’s all.
For God will bring every work into judgment,
Including every secret thing,
Whether good or evil.

SOLD!

Ok it's final... Charleston is the greatest city in America. I cannot wait to live there. I absolutely LOVED the Citadel. Yeah it's gonna be PURE hell the first year, but who cares, it's worth it. But back to Charleston... oh man, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is just soo darn nice and friendly. And the women... wow, I'd say Charleston, from what I've seen, has the most beautiful women in the world. And I was only there a couple of days... I can't wait to live there and meet a southern gal and get hitched and live in SOUTH CAROLINA. Lol, I'm going to go to the Governors office and ask if they can adopt me into their state. I love the state..they have so much pride in being a South Carolinean.. you always see the state flag flying.. it's on shirts, plaques, monuments, restaurants..anywhere and everywhere you see that famous palm tree and crescent. Anyway, I'm tired cause we just got back..will post more on the greatest city in America later...

In The Midst of Wolves

This is an editorial that I wrote for my school newspaper... it will probably be published in April.

In The Midst of Wolves

What is a Christian? Throughout the ages, answers have varied, opinions have changed, theologians and philosophers have debated, and men have striven to find exactly what being a Christian really constitutes. In today’s culture, yes, even in Christian communities, I believe the goals and aspects of being a Christian have been abandoned, distorted and ignored. Today, the common consensus in our communities promotes happiness through wealth, jobs and popularity. Obtaining this happiness on this earth often becomes the most important thing. Riches and glory feed our egos and promote our dignity. The throng is often heard preaching about the acceptance of all ideas and values and the embracing of all lusts, desires, and wills of the body. “Hate your enemies,” is a common theme in our culture. Despise the prisoner, ignore the prostitute, hate the murderer, and cheat your neighbor if it means gaining a more prominent position. Complacency has overtaken our churches, and dare I say, our lives. We “do church,” sing songs, and fellowship on Sundays. And during the week, what happens? And on Saturday night, what do we do? We may even be nice people. We’re always cheerful and smiling, shaking hands and engaged in pleasant and harmless activities. But is that what it’s all about?

Now as I write this article, while I believe it applies to all people, I want to speak directly to others my age. Whether your in 8th grade, or about to leave for college, I am writing this article to challenge you to really step back and ask yourself, “What am I doing here on this earth? Am I really behaving as a Christian ought to?” Please keep in mind that as I speak to you, I am also speaking to myself all the more.

We have forgotten the words of Jesus. You, I, our culture; we have all been deceived through the pursuit of happiness. Do not let complacency overtake you! Living a happy life is not living like a Christian!

Jesus says in Matthew 5:10-12, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven.”

As a Christian, we are not to be conformed to this world. Rather, we are to conform the world to the preaching and teaching of Jesus. I am asking you to be radical in your faith. If you are not being persecuted, if the world does not hate you and despise you, then I ask you to reevaluate how you are living. Are you living as one destined to be one day united with Christ, or as one who remains in the world, seeking the approval of men rather than the approval of God? Are you actively seeking to spread the truth and love of Christ to all those who are slaves to sin? Friends, I ask you to deeply consider and ponder the words of Jesus in Matthew 10:32-34, which says:

“Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.”

The words of Jesus are laid out for us to apply in our lives. Do not waste the opportunity! Do not deny Christ, but be brave and courageous in witnessing to everyone you encounter each day.

Now, again, step back and evaluate your present situation. You are on the threshold of adulthood. The temptations of the world are pouring in from every side. What is true happiness? Brothers and sisters, this happiness cannot be found in this world! So many times I have made the mistake of trusting in the pleasures and desires of this world to bring me happiness. But in the end, it only leads to emptiness and despair. Jesus is calling you – He is telling you to go forth in His name and proclaim the truth; forsaking yourselves and embracing Christ.

In Matthew 10:38-39, Jesus says, “And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”

Do not expect it to be easy. Indeed, it would be impossible if not for the grace of God. The world will hate you, the devil will tempt you every single day, and there will be discouragement’s along the way. When you fall, get back up. When you waver, hold on to Christ. He is faithful, if you ask Him, He will help you. But first you must give your lives completely and wholly to him, surrender yourself – and He will use you to bring true happiness and peace to those who are in the world.

C.S. Lewis, one of the greatest Christian thinkers of the 20th Century, in his book, “Mere Christianity,” tells us to not pass up the opportunity of giving our lives to Christ.

When the author walks on the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else--something it never entered your head to conceive--comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side.

I beg you, do not wait! Our lives are so fragile. God is coming back, and he will separate the sheep from the goats, the righteous from the unrighteous. Act now and live! Do not expect to be praised and glorified in this world. The world will persecute you, just as they persecuted Jesus. But remember your Father in heaven is watching you, and you will gain an everlasting reward when you stand before the glory of His face forever and ever throughout all eternity.

Finally, I ask you to take these words of Jesus to heart, and to deeply consider what I’ve written to you today. Jesus says, in Matthew 10:16a, 22, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved.”

“He who endures to the end will be saved.”

O Sacred Head, Now Wounded

Here is one of my all-time favorite hymns. This one gets to me everytime.
Written by Bernard of Clairvaux (1091-1153)

O Sacred Head, now wounded
With grief and shame weighed down
Now scornfully surrounded
With thorns, Thy only crown,
O Sacred Head, what glory,
What bliss till now was Thine.
Yet, though despised and gory,
I joy to call Thee mine.

What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered,
Was all for sinners' gain;
Mine, mine was the transgression,
But Thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Saviour!
'Tis I deserve Thy place;
Look on me with Thy favor,
Vouch-safe to me Thy grace.

What language shall I borrow
To thank Thee, dearest friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow,
Thy pity without end?
O, make me Thine forever;
And, should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never
Outlive my love for Thee!

Journal

I originally started this blog to serve as an e-journal, so that I could look back and see what I'd written, what the past held, and in what ways I've grown and matured. I kind of wavered from that original plan, but I'm going to start entering more and more journal-type material for mainly my own reference. Whether its summaries of Scripture, an essay on Democratization, a journalism story, or just an overview of my day/week whatever.

"The voice of one crying in the wilderness:
'Prepare the way of the Lord;
Make His paths straight."
--Matthew 3:3 / Isaiah 40:3

"Bless and do not curse."

Today I started the New Testament... Matthew. I am so excited about studying the words of Jesus. God is working in my heart like never before.

"Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."

O Lord, the first words of Your ministry... repent! How prideful we are. I confess to you my own pridefulness--my pride towards you, my pride over others. O Lord, who am I to think that I am above anyone else? I judge others, I look down on others, I despise others, I reject them, O Merciful One, forgive me for these my sins. For indeed, the words of your first Sermon, you said: Blessed are the poor in spirit, Blessed are those who mourn, Blessed are the meek, Blessed are those who hunger for righteousness, Blessed are the merciful, Blessed are the pure in heart, Blessed are the peacemakers, Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you.* O God, you came to be the light for those broken spirits, the contrite of heart, the persecuted ones, the prostitutes, the tax-collectors... not for the prideful. O God, how immensely wicked I am in the reliance of my own deeds, how arrogant I become, how prideful towards you.

"And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake for you are blessed. "And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled."*

Make this my prayer. I want to follow you with everything I am--enable me to do so Lord. I pray that I will cast off my arrogance, anger, frustrations, remembering that I have One who has gone before me, who has loved those who hated Him, forgiven those who persecute Him, and prayed for those who seek to undermine His Truthfulness. I want to be like you Christ, I want to love others like You loved them, unconditionally. I want to see past their filth, unworthiness, despair; to see a life that can be saved for You, a life that can be renewed and given the Life which You alone give. Impart to others the same grace You have so mercifully bestowed upon my unworthy soul. Give them the same peace! O Father, how inwardly calm and confident I am in You, knowing that You are faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.*

O Lord, what do You say? And how do you instruct me to give me life up for You? O Merciful One, you have imparted Your Scriptures to Me, giving Me a hope for things to come, an assurance of things past. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.* How, O Lord, do I let my light shine? In what ways should I tell the world of all Your wonders and mercies.

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,'
But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.
If anyone wants to sue you and take way your tunic, let him have your cloak also.
And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.
Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away."*

Lord, give me the strength to turn the other cheek. Give me the power to be gracious and kind in others wrong-doing towards me. I am so guilty of failing to do so each day. So often I respond with a rash comment, a grudgingly look, a contemptible action. The devil so easily ensnared me when I am caught up in adrenaline, or fatigue, or weakness of mind... I so often give in to that wicked voice in my head saying, "Look there!" or "Yell at this man!" or "Hate!" or "Judge this soul." Oh Lord, I now confess these weaknesses to You, asking for Your deliverance, Your grace to be shed upon me, allowing me to Love my enemies, bless those who curse me, do good to those who hate me, and pray for those who spitefully use me and persecute me. For if I love those who love me, what reward have I? Do no even the tax collectors do the same?

So as I write these words down, I pray I will inscribe them also on my heart. That these words will flow from my mind, to my heart, to my body, and manifest themselves through obediance and service to You throughout this day, and all the days of my life.


1* Matthew 5:3a-11a
2* I Peter 3:13-14
3* I John 1:9
4* Matthew 5:16
5* Matthew 5:38-42
6* Matthew 5:44,46

Excerpts from St. Augustine's "Confessions"

These excerpts are truly profound and amazing... these are some of my favorite portions from the book that I just finished. If anyone wants to read a theological/philisophical classic, St. Augustine's "Confessions" is a MUST. It was incredible. I feel such a desire for knowledge, more than ever. All I desire to do is read and learn and apply. St. Augustine is truly one of the greatest Christian thinkers, and I thank God for sending one the great fathers of our Faith into my life and using them to further direct and guide me through this world.

Should not everyone's goal in life be to find truth? Ultimate truth, beyond all other images and imposters, but the truth that holds no lies, has no beginning, no end... but is. But why does this truth frighten so many people away from itself...from the source of truth, from Truth itself? If God, Jesus, is the Truth, why dost not all persons everywhere flock to know this Truth and partake of it. Alas, mankind is in a destitute state. Hence, while we love to deceive, we hate to be deceived. Therefore, when the ultimate Truth shed's His light upon men, revealing their true selves, revealing how they've been fooled and deceived -- men reject and despise the Truth, blocking the reality of their deception and the depth of their fallen selves. To put it simply: pride gets in the way. We hate the ultimate good, because we have become so intertwined and enthralled in the deception that we ourselves can save our doomed souls... yet it is all in vain. Nothing that we do will save us. But our hope is in the Truth! For this Truth, our merciful Savior, through his divine and sovereign love and mercy has given us a chance for redemption. O merciful Lord! O loving Father! What compassion is this?! What love! You have come to earth, You live in men, and enable us to do the will of God every day. We live, yet not of ourselves, we live in You, and in Your rest we will abide forever through the faithfulness of Your Almighty Goodness.

Ok, I've spoken enough, here's St. Augustine...

"This then is the fruit of my confession - the confession not of what I have been, but of what I am - in that I confess not only before You, with inward exulatation yet trembling, with inward sorrow yet with hope as well: but also in the ears of the believing sons of men, companions of my joy and sharers of my mortality, my fellow citizens, fellow pilgrims: those who have gone before, and those who are to come after, and those who walk the way of life with me. These are Your servants, my brethren, whom You have chosen that they should be Your sons, my masters whom You have commanded me to serve if I am to live with You and in You. And this Your word to me would be a lesser thing, if it merely commanded me by word and did not go before me in the doing. Thus I do it, in deed and in word, I do it under Your wings, for the peril would be too great were not my soul under Your wings and subject to You, and my infirmity known to You. I am but a little one, yet my Father lives forever and my Protector is sufficient for me. For He is the same who begot me and who watches over me: and You are all my good, You the almighty who are with me even before I am with You. To such then as You command me to serve will I show, not what I was, but what I now am, what I continue to be." p. 214 IV.


"I can also name forgetfulness and know what I mean by the word; but how should I recognize the thing itself unless I remembered it? I am not speaking of the sound of the word, but of the thing the sound signifies; for if I had forgotten the thing, I should be unable to remember what the sound stood for. When I remember memory my memory itself is present to itself by itself; but when I remember forgetfulness, then memory and forgetfulness are present together - forgetfulness which I remember, memory by which I remember. But what is forgetfulness except absense of memory? How then can that be present for me to remember, which when it is present means that I cannot remember. If what we remember we hold in our memory, and if, unless we remembered forgetfulness, we should not on hearing the word recognize what is meant by it, then forgetfulness is contained in the memory. Therefore that is present, to keep us from forgetting it, which when it is present we do forget. Are we to understand from this that when we remember forgetfulness, it is not present to the memory in itself but by its image: because if it were present in itself it would cause us not to remember but to forget? Who can analyze this, or understand how it can be?
Assuredly, Lord, I toil with this, toil within myself: I have become to myself a soil laborious and of heavy sweat. For I am not now considering the arts of the heavens, or measuring the distances of the stars, or seeking how the earth is held in space; it is I who remember, I, my mind. It is not remarkable if things that I am not are far from my knowledge: but what could be closer to me than myself? Yet the power of memory in me I do not understand, though without memory I could not even name myself. What am I to say, when I see so clearly that I remember forgetfulness? Am I to say that something I remember is not in my memory? Or am I to say that forgetfulness is in my memory to keep me from forgetting? Either would be absurd. Is there a third possibility? Could I say that the image of forgetfulness is retained in my memory, not forgetfulness itself, when I remember it? But how could I say this since if the image of a thing is imprinted on the memory, the thing itself must first have been present, for the image to be able to be imprinted? Thus I remember Carthage and such other places as I have been in; I remember the faces of men I have seen and things reported by the other senes; I remember the health or sickness of the body. For when these were present, the memory received their images from them, and these remained present to be gazed on and thought about by the mind when in their absence I might choose to remember them. It follows that if forgetfulness is retained in the memory by means of an image and not in itself, then itself must at some time have been present for its image to be received. But when it was present, how did it write its image in my memory since by its presence it destroys what it finds noted there? At any rate whatever the manner of it, however incomprehensible and inexplicable, I am certain that I do remember forgetfulness, although by forgetfulness what we remember is effaced."

Back when men were men and the women loved it.

That's right, you read the title. Back in the good 'ole days, men were men and the women loved it. Nowadays you got all these metros and homos and transexuals and faggots that you can't hardly tell who's a girl and who's a guy. Men: BE MEN. Women: BE WOMEN. The men in this country need to start taking more responsibility. We get fed through a feeding tube every day of our lives...it's about time we clip the chord and start being men. We should hold the values of commitment, honor, duty, loyalty, integrity, and courage in the highest-esteem. These should be our goal. Commitment in whatever we do, remain honorable in all aspects of life, dutiful to your God and Country and Family, loyal to your wives, children, and heritage, enact integrity in all aspects of life, whether working or playing, and finally have courage in your heart to meet any challenge head on and conquer it with everything you got. I'm sick of this fag-generation. We're just killing ourselves... becoming more and more prideful. Our country has reached the point where we no longer give credit to God for the blessings that this country has received... instead we look at ourselves, we say... ah HA! I have done it! I have created this prosperity. Oh how little they know. How shocked they will be when they are proven wrong.

I have now completed the SOCFA: Special Operations Challenge Fitness Assessment. In 2 minutes, I did 68 pushups and 84 situps. I did 9 dead-hang pullups. Then I ran a 9:10 min. mile and a half. There were well over a hundred guys participating in the test, I scored the fastest run time.. and was in the upper-quarter with the rest of my scores.

I met some awesome Navy SEALS today. Rudy from Survivor, the ex-Navy SEAL was there today... I got my picture taken with him and was able to talk to him for awhile. I cannot believe that guy was in the enlisted Navy for 45 YEARS! FORTY-FIVE. Wow, that's a helluva long time. This other old SEAL, "Patches", was there also... this guy was thee most hardcore, rough-edged SEAL you could possibly imagine. He was awesome. He's the guy that was talking about how men are a bunch of faggots today..and that's where I got my quote... when men were men and the women loved it. Anyway, he was a really neat guy. We were tested today at the US NAVY SEAL Museum in Ft. Pierce, and the director of the Museum was a Citadel grad (Class of '77) and a 26 year veteran of the SEALS. It was alot of fun to talk to him. I also met a few other guys who went to the Citadel and one who attended Norwich Univ.

And so it was

Looking back over the past week. It's been a little bad, but mostly good. I finished "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis for the second time last week. I also finished the great novel, "Ben Hur." I've been moving through the Old Testament, reading the minor prophets. I almost have the Old Testament finished, I just have Zephaniah, Haggai, Zachariah, and Malachi left. Micah 6:7-8 really stood out to me today.
Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
Ten thousand rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Had a Sea Cadet Drill this weekend. It was inspection weekend. The first part of Saturday was extremely boring, we just practiced for Sunday's inspection and listened to our commander talk and talk... uh well, we got through it. But then came the fun part. We had our first PT test of the year. I did pretty good I guess. They tested pushups, situps, pullups, shuttle run, V-stretch, and mile run. I did 72 pushups in one minute (3rd in the unit), 61 situps in one minute (1st in the unit), 10 dead-hang pullups (3rd), 9.57 seconds in the shuttle run (2nd), I failed the V-stretch (the gayest test ever), and then I ran an approx. 5:15 mile (1st). So that was alot of fun. I need to improve on the speed of my pushups, and keep building my strength for my pullups.

Sunday's inspection went well. My dress whites were immaculant. After the inspection we ate pizza and had squad competition. Our squad finished first in the assembly of the Zodiac boats, and finished 2nd in two other competitions. This weekend I'm gonna be going down south to compete in a SEAL competition. Should be alot of fun... so on that note, I need to leave and go do some PT. Farewell.

BUSY

Been busy lately. No time to post. Been reading tons, tons... cannot stop. St. Augustine's "Confessions" is my current read. I must finish it in five days.

Hmm, here's a cool, famous pic.