Zoomie, Rambo, Top Gun, *grunt*

US Air Force "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless
life to the United States Air Force because I know
I couldn't hack it in the Armyand because the Marines
frighten me.

I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for
the work done by others more dedicated than me who
take their job seriously.  I also swear not to do
any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our
bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.  I
swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the
United States, even though I believe myself to be
above that.  I promise to walk around calling everyone
by their first name because I know I'm not really in
the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other
services.

I will have a better quality of life than those
around me and will at all times be sure to make them
aware of that fact.  After completion of my *snicker*
"Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chairborne Ranger.  I will do no work unless someone
is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy
those around me, and will go home early every day.

I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and
understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday
will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God.

___________________ _______________________
Signature           Date


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US Army "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre
life to the United States Army because I couldn't
score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force,
I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't
take me because I can't swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers
in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing
straps.  I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even
when I have a date.  I will continue to tell myself that
I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant
told me I am.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first
year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because
I scored perfect on my PT test.  After completion of
Basic Training, I will attend a different Army school
once every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left.

On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around
like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. 
I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out
she might leave me for a smarter, better looking Air
Force guy.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while
getting absolutely nothing accomplished.  I will arrive
to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and
leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "COMPANY." 
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever
that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end
up working construction with my friends from high school. 
I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000
for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't
pass a placement exam.  So help me God.

_________________________ ___________________________
Signature                 Date


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US Navy "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign
away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because
I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to
BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too
"corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...
why not?"

I promise to wear clothing what went out of style in 1976
and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair
of pants I own.

I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor
man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the
winter.  I will strive to use a different language than
the rest of the English speaking world, using words like
"deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" when I really mean
"floor, wall, hat, and toilet."  I will take great pride
in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia,
and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely
no sense whatsoever.

I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every
morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in
which case I will show up around 0930 hrs.  I vow to
hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that
I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a
typhoon, and still not spill a drop.  I consent to being
promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per
fiscal year.  I realize that, once selected for Chief,
I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." 
So help me Neptune.

______________________ _______________________________
Signature              Date


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US Marine Corps "Oath of Enlistment"

I, state name here, swear...uhhh...high-and-tight...
*grunt* cammies...ugh...Air Force women...  HOORAH! 
So help me Corps.

_______________________ _____________________________
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